quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
