I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's never too late to be topless.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
