I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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