Whod you bang
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize