I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
