Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
