it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
