they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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