I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
