Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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