good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
