it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
