the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
