Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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