seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
