I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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