so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize