I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
