So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
