At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
