I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
