He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They have beer where we have blood.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
