She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
