Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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