Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
