discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
