I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You are a genius and a whore.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
