He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
