He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
bring money and cleavage
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
