Rock
Scissors
Fuck
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
