He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
