Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
