you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
