Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
