Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
