my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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