Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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