My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
