shes about as inviting as chlamydia
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
