none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
