She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
