She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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