Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
