Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
