just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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