Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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