I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
