I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
