absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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