Screwed.edu
I love having hate sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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