The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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