I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
