I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
