piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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