Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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