hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
