hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
