man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
