you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize