The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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