this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
