I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
