She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
