so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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