Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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