I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
