4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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