Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
