It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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